COVID diaries - day unknown: of time wasted on possibility of suppose...

sometimes you just have to look back and wonder -
why the time wasted on words.
after all,
silence most often chosen by those seeking refuge from obligation of hear...

counterfeit camaraderie

what is it,
defines distinction between what we wish for -
what we dream about -
what we desire,
and what we actually receive?

so often we stumble upon others that seem headed in the same direction.
for a while,
the journey seems less difficult -
less lonely.
it's during those times we tend to allow interaction without reservation.
we become so caught up in our own preconceived notion of camaraderie
that we open doors without contemplating the what if...

what if we realize we were merely filler.
what if we come to understand we really don't hold elevation over anything -
merely option one step above probability of nothing?
what if we recognize the time wasted was never intended to actually matter?

i have no doubt tomorrow will arrive.
i believe the sun will shine -
even if wearing temporary distraction of clouds.
i know without the shadow of a doubt,
the God that created my situation,
will still control the outcome of my reality.
and even as i wrap my head around the truth that i am replaceable -
regardless my tenure in the temporary temple of companionship -
the cycle of life continues on.

i suppose there are things more detrimental than being alone.
i suppose there are feelings more cumbersome than isolation.
i suppose there is absence of life,
camouflaged indifference -
more counterfeit than simulated appearance of living...